I am a top scale Hollywood Scout

Hey my lowly servants!

I just got back from Dubai. I bought an island there. You can buy anything you want there. People, islands, bubblegum, ant farms... basically anything! It was a pretty happening place. Everyone thought I was this Erik Estrada guy. Who is that guy!? I am Matt Dyck of Hollywood. I am my own person!

So, living with Tom Cruise is not what it's cracked up to be. He is a nut job. I am a scientologist myself, but his preaching is just out of hand. He would make a big deal of me flushing my huge dumps. He wanted to keep the poop so that he could freeze it and feed it to us when we are living in the end times when Xenu comes back. So, we had a falling out. I don't think that I will talk to him for about 2 months. I need some time to myself. I will however make my move on Katherine Holmes Cruise. I am going to take the place of father to Suri and husband to Katherine. I don't know how I will do this, but I will manage....

Anyway, it's time for my deep tissue massage by my good friend Steve Urkel. I am trying to make him famous again. I guess anything is possible!

Hello Party People Everywhere!

Hey all! What is up my frenizzles?! Wow! I have so much to say but so little time! I'm posting this blog on my new iPhone. It's the cats meow. What a wonderful piece of technology it is. I've got like over 300 hollywood stars phone numbers in it. Including my #1 fave K-Fed! He got full custody of the kids! I was jumping for joy. Since I have cut ties with Britney Spears forever, The Fedder and I have been tight. I sabatoged Britney the night she made her comeback on the MTV music awards in Vegas baby! I drugged her drink and that's what made her moves on the stage so bad. She was staggering around everywhere. And it was all because of me! I also stole her wardrobe and she was stuck with her undergarmets. It was priceless. Everyone thinks that Britney just wasn't ready to make a come back. She was born ready for this comeback, and I sabotaged it. Muwahahaha.... evil laugh.

I am also in it with Tom Cruise to build an under earth sanctuary to protect us from when evil do-er Xenu attacks earth. It is a multibillion dollor project. So good thing I am in on it. You have to be rich to be a scientologist. And since I am rich, Tom Cruise is rich, it just makes sense! We will be protected under ground for millions of years. And I will be heading up the hollywood scout industry underground. It will be so rad.

Well I gotta bounce. I've got a date with a super hottie from Highschool Musical. Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. Mr Zac Efron. Yeah, I'm lining him up with some ultra sophisticating work. It will be called 'The Making of a Hollywood Scout'. Staring Zac Efron as me! Don't we have a striking resemblance?? I think so!