I am a top scale Hollywood Scout
Hey my lowly servants!
I just got back from Dubai. I bought an island there. You can buy anything you want there. People, islands, bubblegum, ant farms... basically anything! It was a pretty happening place. Everyone thought I was this Erik Estrada guy. Who is that guy!? I am Matt Dyck of Hollywood. I am my own person!
So, living with Tom Cruise is not what it's cracked up to be. He is a nut job. I am a scientologist myself, but his preaching is just out of hand. He would make a big deal of me flushing my huge dumps. He wanted to keep the poop so that he could freeze it and feed it to us when we are living in the end times when Xenu comes back. So, we had a falling out. I don't think that I will talk to him for about 2 months. I need some time to myself. I will however make my move on Katherine Holmes Cruise. I am going to take the place of father to Suri and husband to Katherine. I don't know how I will do this, but I will manage....
Anyway, it's time for my deep tissue massage by my good friend Steve Urkel. I am trying to make him famous again. I guess anything is possible!
I just got back from Dubai. I bought an island there. You can buy anything you want there. People, islands, bubblegum, ant farms... basically anything! It was a pretty happening place. Everyone thought I was this Erik Estrada guy. Who is that guy!? I am Matt Dyck of Hollywood. I am my own person!
So, living with Tom Cruise is not what it's cracked up to be. He is a nut job. I am a scientologist myself, but his preaching is just out of hand. He would make a big deal of me flushing my huge dumps. He wanted to keep the poop so that he could freeze it and feed it to us when we are living in the end times when Xenu comes back. So, we had a falling out. I don't think that I will talk to him for about 2 months. I need some time to myself. I will however make my move on Katherine Holmes Cruise. I am going to take the place of father to Suri and husband to Katherine. I don't know how I will do this, but I will manage....
Anyway, it's time for my deep tissue massage by my good friend Steve Urkel. I am trying to make him famous again. I guess anything is possible!
posted by Matt D at
9:14 PM
3 Comments:
Hey Needle,
Tom here, my poop has made me stronger than ever and I don't need you anymore to get me big movie roles! You can have Katie and Suri as Suri is not even mine! You saw Suri, she is clearly Asian!
Any who,
Tom "Poop-Breath" Cruise
you are the greatest matt d. i really dig your vibe. its rad.
i love this blog. it the greatest thing since sliced bread! Keep those posts coming! i love curling up on a cozy sofa and eating popcorn and waiting for your posts.
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